I’ve been out of the spoken world realm for sometime now. I’ll spare you on the reasons. But every once and a while, I watch something that moves me. Something that reminds me of the infinite power of language. Something that makes me want to shake these sheets, grab a pen and find god through the device. This dude just gave me that feeling.
Shout out to my friend Bev who sent this to me, and reminded me why I need to get out of bed this morning.
I was about to go shopping…
The “Falling Off Your Shoes Tour” ended in NYC last week, and I had 3 days to kill before I flew over to Sound Set in Minneapolis. I dedicated everyone of those days to the bestest/worst street in the world: Canal Street. And no, I wasn’t looking for a fake Gucci purse, an appropriating bootleg Keffiyah or a bubble blowing gun. I was searching for Jesus. In Gold.
Who in the hell doesn’t secretly want a Jesus Piece? If you’re reading this and thinking “not me, I would never” you my friend are a lier and need to revaluate if you’re mature enough for the internet. Over the course of history, mc’s have worn the adorned gold face of the big homie Christ around their necks. From Biggie, to Kanye, to Elliot Ness from “Making the band” season 1, the greatest rappers have been seen with the man upstairs bouncing up and down on their chest.
I myself, don’t exactly follow Jesus. From what I hear he’s that dude, but the first 15 years of my life he was the reason I couldn’t watch football on sunday mornings, and in the past I really resented him for that. So this last weekend I decided to officially dead my beef and support the man. Around my neck. In fake gold. And some clear shinny substance that could be mistaken for diamonds if you starred into the sun for 30 minutes, squinted your eyes, did a line of ketamine and then took a peek.
The first Christ I saw, I bought. Got the woman down from $45 to $30. Not bad, not great. Think I could have got her to $25. But for me, this guy is priceless.
Here are some other Jesus’s I ran into during my 3 day search for GOD’s son.
Outside of trying to be funny, I have nothing but respect for Jesus and those that believe in his teachings. My Gramma is a testament to the power of faith, and that faith is an amazing tool when navigating through life. My intention is not to offend anyone, but more to have fun and talk about fake gold.
On my final day of Canal street searching, I was exhausted. Lumpishly moping home on the vicious Canal concrete that had defeated my feet, I decided to stop at the last bootleg shop on the corner. While looking through the Jesus’s, I saw a packaged piece in the back of the rack. I turned it around, and there he was. THE BAWSE! Yes, all this searching for Jesus when Officer Ricky had been waiting for me the whole fucking time! Big, yellow, with shades on, god decided to give me a gift for my hard work.
Rick begged to go to Sound Set with me on Sunday and I granted him his wish. We left Jesus in the car and I immersed Ross into the midwest culture of underground rap. After trying to sell pictures of the boss for $1 at the merch table, I had made $3 bucks by late afternoon. Wasn’t as big of money maker as you’d assume. So I took Ross on a walk and introduced him to some of my friends. Here’s who he ran into.
G-40
Jake Uno
POS
Nightclubberlang
The Sabzi
Myka 9
Sage
Lo Be One
Natty
Grieves
J Moore
Eligh
Aqua One
Tunji
DJ Flip Flop
KeelayContest: Who took the best pic with the boss? The person with the most votes gets a VIP pass to hang with the Bawse at an undisclosed location (probably a bowling alley in the South end), a CDR of Rick Ross’s new album, and 2 pictures with the man for half off ($1).
Cast your votes in the comments section.
I know…so good. Based on the fact that this gas station had just about every flavor Now and Later ever invented, it gets the win in the candy department. I felt like I was in the early 90’s.
Then, upon closer inspection I realized that this candy was from the early 90’s.
I made my way over to the drank isle, and was set all the way back in time to the late 90’s. An era that consisted of bootlegging on broadway, puking over porches and listening to All Eyez On Me in a wife beater. Whoever was behind the marketing skeme of gathering the most influential rappers, getting them to endorse their fruit flavored malt liquor and plastering posters around every metropolitan city was a genius.
And owes me a lot of money for rehab.
And then we found a bird. Who died…In the 90’s.
Ok, sure. I see what Clarks was trying to do here. And maybe if Ghostface was wearing these in 99′, huffing paint in some Staten Island basement I’d understand. But now? GTFOH. And you know when the price tag is $50 down from $140 for the Wallies, somebody fucked up.
And as if jumping on the Supra bandwagon of “let’s make our feet look like astronauts” wasn’t enough, Clarks decided to outline their Michelin man Wallies with a piece of Catwoman patent leather. Can you name a show in the history of the game that has benefited from this material?
Me either.
Hell no. This looks like a Payless shoe walked it’s way over to Vietnam and got lost in the wrong sweatshop. Jordan brand is ruining children’s lives by existing. Let the classic’s be.
Considering the “death face mini” and “skeleton hand of rape” were in the “Value Section,” I thought I’d channel my inner Oldominion and spend some of this rain water on shit weird white people like. I can’t take it to Dante’s inferno when I chuck the deuce on this mortal world, might as well “go in” while I’m here.
Just to remind myself that I am a predator and I kill shit like deer, I will wear this hat and blend into mother nature before I murder everything in it.
Bitches can hunt these days. There’s no doubt about that. And we respect the hell out of any she/man that can take down a 4 point stag, cut it’s gullet till it bleeds to death and then make us a wicked pot of chilli from the game meat she just caught.
-Aberdeen Washington as told to Eric Powers for Kube93
And in the tradition of our mid evil ancestors, here in nebraska they offer human legs of meat.
I was sold on this gas station from the jump, but once i saw the rings…it was on. A mason ring!? And i don’t have to join a secrete society filled of the most evil men in the world to get it!? Fuck yes.
I really have no idea if masonic dudes are really evil. I got to page 28 in “Behold the Pale Horse” before I turned the TV back on. But I have smoked thousands of blunts w/ Xperience over the last 5 years, and I’ve heard enough masonic rants to be one. With this ring on of course.
This blog was partially created to give a voice to a generation of 2nd
I’ve been sluffing on the blogging as of late. Apologies to the 17 people that read this. I’m on tour with Grieves and Budo. Dipping around this great old country of ours in search of the experience that will fuel the revolution…or just some dope shows. We’re in Albuquerque right now and I’m about to pass out. Check out the dates and if you’re in the area stop by…Gems of tour pictures soon to come…