The “Falling Off Your Shoes Tour” ended in NYC last week, and I had 3 days to kill before I flew over to Sound Set in Minneapolis.  I dedicated everyone of those days to the bestest/worst street in the world:  Canal Street.  And no, I wasn’t looking for a fake Gucci purse, an appropriating bootleg Keffiyah or a bubble blowing gun.  I was searching for Jesus.  In Gold.    

Who in the hell doesn’t secretly want a Jesus Piece?  If you’re reading this and thinking “not me, I would never” you my friend are a lier and need to revaluate if you’re mature enough for the internet.  Over the course of history, mc’s have worn the adorned gold face of the big homie Christ around their necks. From Biggie, to Kanye, to Elliot Ness from “Making the band” season 1, the greatest rappers have been seen with the man upstairs bouncing up and down on their chest.

I myself, don’t exactly follow Jesus.  From what I hear he’s that dude, but the first 15 years of my life he was the reason I couldn’t watch football on sunday mornings, and in the past I really resented him for that.  So this last weekend I decided to officially dead my beef and support the man.  Around my neck. In fake gold.  And some clear shinny substance that could be mistaken for diamonds if you starred into the sun for 30 minutes, squinted your eyes, did a line of ketamine and then took a peek.

The first Christ I saw, I bought.  Got the woman down from $45 to $30.  Not bad, not great.  Think I could have got her to $25.  But for me, this guy is priceless.  

Here are some other Jesus’s I ran into during my 3 day search for GOD’s son.  

Outside of trying to be funny, I have nothing but respect for Jesus and those that believe in his teachings.  My Gramma is a testament to the power of faith, and that faith is an amazing tool when navigating through life.  My intention is not to offend anyone, but more to have fun and talk about fake gold.