Whenever I go to New York, one of the first places I hit is Canal Street. Ever since a youth, I’ve been rocking fake gold. It was part of my generation. If you grew up listening to Wu-Tang and couldn’t afford real fronts, you were putting gum rappers in your mouth. By the time I was 14 I was buying fake rolex’s from street corner bootleggers, devastated when my pale wrists would turn green days later. I got my first grill maybe 5 years ago. It said “Mack” in the teef and was made by some super shady dude on Canal street who was toothless. Should have seen the omen. It was hardcore man. Felt like it was made of straight Pittsburgh steel. Probably a good thing that I lost that. RIP Mack grill.

I got the grill that you see in this picture off Mr. Mouthpiece from Seattle. I’ve mourned the loss of it probably 5 different times, and each occasion it turns up in some random spot that I put it, after the last time I thought I lost it. I try it on, and immediately a distinct lisp makes it’s way into my mouth. My teeth start hurting about 2 minutes after, and that’s usually when I put it in a desolate drawer, forget about it, think that I lost it, then 2 months later find it again. The cycle repeats.

Anyway, last time I was in New York back in September I bought a bunch of gold. I was in the zone, spending scrill like a true ignorant ass rapper. In fact, I was getting so dumb that Sabzi juuuust barely talked me out of buying an $1,100 diamond ring. Best advice he’s ever given me. Nothing like a wad of rapper money to trick you into thinking you can drop a stack on a 14K princess cut diamond ring like it’s nothing. Thank god I had the homie with me to stop the long range impulse trigger finger, or I would have lost all my “conscious” rap fans.

Instead I came back to Seattle and bought a Volvo. Peace to the gods and earths. Sage Francis!